disappointed. it's all i can say. yes results are back, very disappointing indeed. now even promoting becomes a problem. no im not grumbling or complaining, i know i deserve what i've got. all the slacking and procrastinating. my classmates have done well, esp those closet muggers. seeing them getting disappointed at their Bs and Cs and wondering why isnt it an A, i seriously got nothing to say. im nowhere near them. i do have high expectations, but they've dropped after doing the paper, but not to the standard where my grades are standing now. dont know how im gonna break the news to my parents, guess i will just keep quiet till they ask. maybe tell them when all the moderation and addition of class participation & jct are done. results might look better that way. and yes im regretting why didnt i pay attention in class or do my tutorials properly. or even treat the teachers better. now i have a lower chance of getting high cp marks.

hols, they arent much of a holiday to me anymore. firstly pw is already killing me, and there's lots and lots of revision to be done. today when taking back chem paper, mr goh tried to be encouraging i guess, and said, " oh you didnt fail very very badly, i've seen worse. like single digits" yea thanks spiderman, but the results's still bad. and of course he said if youre gonna keep your h2 you have to revise and catch up and what nots. yes i know. and when i see the disappointed look in his face i really dont know what to say. feel bad that i haven put in my 100%, my utmost best into revising, feel bad that i didnt keep t my promise of revising well after jcts and assuring him i will do well. feel even worse when he still treats us very nicely, thinking that we will do well one day. but what he said today was really alarming, "looking at your results ah, i think i got nothing to celebrate ah" throughout the entire chem period, it was just a quiet time for me, for me to ponder on alot of stuff, for me to think think and think. luckily naresh didnt come to talk to me. he knew i was depressed in class, but he wants me to be strong by myself. yes i know it's for my own good, i dont blame him acty. in fact it's good cause i get to think through many things.
physics i shant comment, im positive that mr kwan will help me, but after all my lousy attitudes in his tut, im not sure now, but yes the cp marks is very important. and i acty agreed when kengee said that we slackened abit since we had the weekend to study for physics paper. and math. seriously disappointed cause i know i could have done alot alot alot better, instead of stumbling during the exam, looking at the paper and having mental block. spent alot of time looking around, staring into mid air. why, i dont know.

and now thinking about the team, it's pretty screwed. not that im the top scorer or anything, but compared to previous batches, out results are really horrible. i mean many people barely made it, or might promote conditionally, and there's mrs goh saying that you will be out of the team if you retain. i guess it's just a warning for people to study hard, but i think it didnt really help did it? dont know if she's really going out to do what she says, if yes i really dont wanna think of the consequences. boys team, i just hope they are alright, cause the girls are already a big trouble for mrs goh, and this never happened in history when girls did worse than guys. well we girls are history makers then. lol.

and there's pw. there was supposed to be a meeting just now, but i dont know where the 2 art people went, and my grp leader was too depressed to do anything. i dont know what t do, so i just walked off. felt bad so i just left my leader a msg, saying to call me if there's anything i can help. i dont really know my attitude for pw, it's kinda contradicting. went to have lunch just now, and told naresh im worried for op tmrw cause we haven dont anything yet. and he says go back sch after lunch then, but i said i dun want. i think im worried for pw but i dont wanna do anything about it. shit.

i spent a long time talking to bf just now. ah there's nth much he can do, his results were alright anyway. he made me sit down and listen to him, and says about his plan over the hols. i listened, yea it all makes sense but till then who knows i will really sit down and do what i've planned. easier said than done yea? but i will try to keep to my promise to him, i dont want him to feel disappointed. he told me, "i want you to be a good girl now, you know you are a bad girl not?" ahh yes i have been very bad indeed. whatever he says may sound funny, but yea it's true. i really need to learn. this is a lesson learnt, it has really hit me hard, real hard, just that i dont show it. looks like i really have to buck up already, no more slacking anymore. this lesson learnt..is a nightmare, how i wished i didnt have to learn it the hard way.

bf told me, "dont give up k, i will always be there for you, pw studies and everything else. i love you." and he gives me a hug. yes, this is the type of comfort that i need, knowing that there will always be someone there to support me, to help me. the hugs, the occasional i-love-you(s)...thanks. youve given me more than i deserve. now we have to work hard together, to catch up with whatever we dunno. i promise you my As for a level, i will keep to that. im lucky to have you with me, moral support i think is important for me now. ily. <3

i want 07/08 to promote as a class, and im sure we will. and the team too. let's hope no one gets left behind.

tmrw is AGAIN another disaster day. pw, econs paper. AHHH. so what if im not prepared. at most i will just breakdown in front of everybody. the consequence of not studying hard enough.
I'VE REALLY LEARNT MY LESSON. Buddha please bless me for the rest of my jc years.

Qin signed off @7:14 PM